Dead BorEd

I don't know what happened to me this week, kinda have mood swing this whole week ! even I have tears rolling when I woke up, because of a dream, that was too funny, deep down, is there something hidden in my heart? that I couldn't find a place to release it. something unsolved, think too much...
1st, is about my study, suddenly feel like no mood to listen what lecturers teach this week, I am not paying attention this whole week.. feel sleepy, but at night I couldn't sleep well..
something pop out from my mind is : Hormone Change. since this year, whenever I have tension, I will go through all types of symptoms ...but I don't know how to handle it.
2nd, guys. this doesn't bother me much, but I was asked again the same question. at first, I set my mind that I wanna focus on study... but after sometimes, when I look at my friends enjoying their love life, whenever they are in trouble, the guy will be the first to help them. Sometimes girls like me do really need this kind of feeling, feel safe ! I also hope I will have one, however reality kills me...I heard the couple quarrel, the girl cried, all these things, I experienced before. it's like ArGh ! too troublesome, yes, it's so true.. I hate facing this part, quarrel will definitely affect the study.
The guy wishes to hold me back, that's what he told me..I just can say sorry. although it did make me recall back all those sweet days, sorry, not now..
even back together, I will break one day.
my mind changed.
not that immature anymore.
I know how I want my future goes before getting into a REAL relationship.
So, all those flower, soap opera thinking for LOVE needs not appear in my dream again.
It's very contradicting. I am 18, still hope for getting into a romantic love like other college students have..waiting for the right guy.
the other hand, I know it doesn't last long, I will leave this place to pursue my study elsewhere, strive for future...
I go alone, not with friends that are by my side now or parents.
The path I choose, I face it myself...
Long love distance, I saw the example. within half year, broke up. It doesn't work well for our age now.

Although I told friends about these, there are still something lock inside my heart.. is it all this while.. I make the problems "condensed" in my heart too long... until it gonna explode? I don't know...

I kinda like lost myself somehow....
trying to get back into one piece.
just wish to continue be a happy girl...